Something Saffurical

May 22, 2008

Love Sick

Filed under: art — Tags: , — Saff @ 9:25 pm

It’s spring. Well… late spring. Love is in the air…kinda.

Is there anybody who wants to love me? heh

April 17, 2008

Fury Of The Little Green-Eyed Monster

Filed under: blog — Tags: , — Saff @ 9:31 pm

Today was filled with too many jealous moments.

I found out that Karen is now officially dating someone. His name is like Kevin or something like that, but I’ll just call him Kevin. It doesn’t really matter, I don’t really know anything about him. They are in Europe together. She emailed me and told me that they were dating, but that was it, nothing else. I basically could have just found out from facebook or something.
At first I felt pretty glad for her. She’s been trying to get over this jerk for the longest time, so as a friend I was truly glad she is finally moving on. And through most of the day, I felt that way. But then suddenly the thought of them cuddling on the couch, holding hands down the hall, making-out at the movies ran through my mind and I got so very jealous. I know I’m supposed to be trying to get over her, and for a while I thought I was doing pretty well…

It’s hard for me to tell between my attraction towards her, and my desire for wanting to be close friends with her. Maybe it is only because I want to have a best friend so bad that I translate it into wanting a girlfriend or boyfriend.

I’ve always wanted her life anyway. I should probably learn how to and start working towards getting what I want in life. But Goddamn it, she has pretty much everything I want. Everything I don’t have. Can’t have? (Yes, this is tagged “self-pity” -_-, maybe when I feel better there will be a “being pro-active” post.)

More pity? Well. My housemate just got back from eating dinner with my friend Mally. Mally’s the closest friend I have here in college besides Karen, … who isn’t here anyway. Mally and my housemate are friends. Why in the world am I so jealous?! Possibly because Mally seems to be in one of those moods where she doesn’t really talk to me. Possibly because I have most likely started to constantly call her up and stuff now that Karen isn’t around. Why do I want to know why they went out for dinner. What they talked about. How come she didn’t call me. Well she does plenty of stuff without me. Why do I care so much?

Whatever. I’m moody right now too. Just keep wanting what I don’t have. Not good. I think I need to go do the “Think of five things you are grateful for” thing right now. Or I’ll just do it here.

  1. I’m grateful that Karen and Mally and my housemate and my other friends are actually my friends. And that they Do care and like me.
  2. I’m grateful that I have music to escape with. Music does so much for me, it keeps me going when I am alone.
  3. I’m grateful that I believe in a God. It helps to have someone or something to pray to. To believe that there is someone or something out there looking out for you.
  4. I am so fucking grateful for technology, internet, facebook, e-mail, etc. I’m sure I would have lived just fine without it, but I am pretty sure I would have lost touch with so many people if we did not have AIM or Facebook.
  5. I’m grateful for working taste buds and food. I love eating so much, I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t eat or taste food. I would be so sad!

Alright I guess I feel a bit better.

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